The 10 Most Incompetent People I’ve Ever Met (probably)

Sorry I took sort of a hiatus cause I wasn’t liking where it was going and I suddenly got super busy but I decided that I like to blog and I’m going to do it regardless of how many hits I get.

We’ve all done something stupid or messed something up and you tend to remember that mistake over the millions of times you’ve done it correctly. Stupidly easy things like putting on sunglasses can end in a dramatic eye injury and walking up stairs turns into a upward face plant when half the planet needs to use the same flight of stairs. However, these people are so crazy bad at life that I cannot help but document their failure.

10. The Grocery Bagger

My local supermarket usually hires high school students and local crazies to bag the groceries and work the cash register so the quality of bagging is sadly pretty lacking.

This won't end badly...

But its easy, how could you screw that up! And to be honest, I have had good luck with the baggers even the one-armed woman with the crazy eye. Not really… well she does only have one arm though it doesn’t seem to hinder her much. When I was living with my parents, as soon as I could drive I was doing the grocery shopping. This was not a good idea because I would come home with like 5 boxes of Batman fruit snacks or like half a wheel of cheese. I had the power… Now I live in an apartment and I’m poor so I can’t shop that enthusiastically. But I have learned that there are items that shouldn’t be bagged with essentially anything else. Like avocados. They bruise if you look at them hard enough and I generally hover over the bagger to make sure they’re taken care of. Eggs are another obvious one but I also hate when people bag milk because its too heavy and you can’t put anything else in there so its just a waste of a bag.

Anyway, its harder than it looks. So I went one day to the local supermarket and I was paying for the weeks food when I realize that not only has the bagger dropped the egg carton but he is also attempting to stuff the gallon of milk in with my Wheat Thins. No! Bad Bagger! He kept moving things between bags and just generally making a mess of things until the cashier just told him to go on break and took over. I think he tripped when he slunk away, tail between his legs.

I cannot be moved!

9. The Taxi Cab Driver

I went to New York City like a month ago and as always the cabs are glorious in their filth and the drivers are as bad at driving as they are foreign.

And he's pretty foreign. Check out the rockin' beard!

And I’ve been to New York City many times and while I usually take the subway, sometimes you have to take a cab and I’ve met some interesting characters. This cab driver was easily the worst. He was definitely not a newbie cause he spoke with the casual air of someone who had terrified thousands of passengers and narrowly avoided being thrown in jail for vehicular homicide. He was surprisingly not particularly foreign (apparently 95% of cab drivers in NYC are recent immigrants) but was a middle-aged Italian guy with a strong New York accent. He was not winning points for creativity.  But anyway, I should have been warned by how he picked us up, swerving 2 lanes over and splashing a nearby businessman with a puddle. But we got in the cab and off we went. Traffic wasn’t too bad but this man drove like the world was on fire. And I know NYC cab drivers are always like that but this guy was trying to kill people. He took out a stopped car’s bumper and almost took out, no joke, a line of children going to the Met.

Where we're going, we don't need roads...

After much swearing, the man didn’t even get us to the right address. We had to keep reminding him of where we were going (the airport) and he never seemed to know what was going on or why we were hyperventilating. He was also a fan of making these ridiculous turns for apparent “short cuts”.

Somehow I don't think this is going to quicker.

That was by far the most incompetent attribute of this man and it is why he makes this list.

8. The Cross Walk Attendant

When I used to walk to school there would be an old lady in a neon, reflective vest who would help me across the street.

This is not what I mean.

Apparently I am not to be trusted near streets… But they were always old and I can’t imagine they were paid much if at all but they knew what was up. Its another easy task. Don’t let children get hit by cars. And all the ones when I was a kid were perfectly competent and rarely creepy so I was surprised when I was walking down to a friend’s house (Ruby is fine but gas is far too expensive and I don’t like my friends that much) around the same time kids were getting out of school (This was in May so they were still in school). The crossing walk lady took one look at me and deduced (incorrectly) that I needed assistance crossing in the cross walk and proceeded to walk into the middle of the intersection to stop all traffic. I just wanted to cross one road, there was no diagonal traveling going on. I tried to wave her back because the people in the cars were beginning to spout steam but she shouted that I was to get clear of the road. How clear are we talking, lady? I’m on the sidewalk.

Take that, cross walk lady!

She finally got out of the road when I was truly clear of any danger. I started to walk away but this lady put her hand on my arm and tells me that I should buy myself a neon vest also so the cars can see me. Keep in mind that its like 2:30 pm and the sun is shining. I leave but she sees a guy running by with this big mutt. She literally stopped him in the middle of his run to coo at this dog who looks absolutely disgusted with her.

This is not the face of amusement.

I suppose she was just over exuberant about it and just wanted kids to be safe but I can’t help but like the chain smoking cross walk lady better.

7. My friend’s boss- State Representative

My friend is some sort of political/government major which is apparently not as big of a joke as a Political Science major so she was lucky when she got a job as an assistant to a State Representative. Her boss, some random Republican, is a nice guy (I’ve met him) and seems decently intelligent. He is living proof that intelligent people can be incompetent. After some training and jumping through hoops she finally started doing her actual job.

I don't know if its cause I'm just lazy but I would not be willing to do this for any job.

Which is his job. She reads all the bills and goes through all the forms and tells him how to vote. He literally makes no decisions on his own and reads none of the bills. When he does attempt to make decisions on his own, she has to edit his decisions and tell him whether or not his party will be pleased with him. Now she’s a Democrat and in her place I would do a lot more fucking around with him but apparently she is actually competent (fucking overachiever).

6. My Postman

At my old house, I used to have this chick post…er person and she was awesome. We sometimes dog sit for people so the dogs always freaked out at her but she would shove the mail through the slot and then a couple treats and go on her way. And we lived in a duplex so the other part’s door was right next to ours with only slightly different numbers. You think that this would cause problems for her? Nope. We both always got our correct mail, every single time.

Now just get rid of the beard and get him in some sexy postwoman gear and you've got my old postchick.

But we’re not here to listen to my crush on my old postwoman. This is about her replacement. After she ascended into heaven, her replacement would come and give us our mail. Badly. I have no idea if its a difficult job but he was particularly bad at it. We would get our neighbors mail, we would get the guy down the street’s mail and our packages were always fucked up.  My mom got a bowl once and it came completely broken and I’m pretty sure I saw him drop it right in front of me. Didn’t apologize, didn’t even make eye contact.

What am I? A basilisk?

I started just taking all the mail from him before he got to the door and distributing it around. But he still managed to screw up his job. Dropped the mail in a puddle, enraged the dogs, stepped on the flowers, took out my mom’s rose bush, the list goes on and on. Worst postman ever…

5. Dunkin Donuts Cashier

I worked for my aunt briefly and part of my job was to get coffee for everyone in the office. Unfortunately, the awesome local coffee shop had just closed and I was forced to go to Dunkin Donuts. I’m not a snob, I don’t care about the coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Its cheap, yay! But the mob of people there is always horrendous.

Not my first choice in coffee retrieval.

But I went there and ordered like 6 coffees with various amounts of sugar and cream, I had a list. I ordered all the coffees and even handed the guy the piece of paper so it would be easier. Nope, he didn’t want it to be easy. He lost the piece of paper immediately and proceeded to give me 4 different kinds of the wrong iced coffee and plain black coffee for the rest when I didn’t want any black coffee. I finally just gave up trying to correct him and just took the stupid coffee except he lost some of the cups that he had make and had to go look for them. Fuck that guy.

4. Sarah Palin

Alright I’ve never met Sarah Palin but she just looks like she’s bad at whatever it is that she does. She quit her last job and in the short time she actually worked managed to terrorize various people and abuse her power. She seems like a swell person. And I’m not picking on her for any particular reason only that I’ve been seeing Michele Bachmann in the news a lot and since they’re both the same person, I wondered where Palin went.

Also, she kind of freaks me out.

And I’m sorry but Sarah Palin has been painfully bad at her job. Whether its being a parent (hello naming your kid Trig) or being the governor of Alaska, Palin has been lacking in every way. I am biased and I’m a Democrat but I didn’t mind McCain. He seemed like an alright guy and he was pretty moderate but then Sarah Palin came into the picture and because of McCain’s state of decomposition I was a bit concerned…especially with her intelligence. I believe Matt Damon best puts it into words, “I need to know if she really thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago… Because she’s gonna have the nuclear codes.”

I feel the need to give her a message: Ok, Sarah, may I call you Sarah?

No.

Please, please, please run for president. Cause a fucking monkey could beat you in an election.

3. Kid in my High School

I can’t name him cause that would be mean but imagine the ugliest dude you’ve ever seen. An awkward teenager who’s growing hair out of his ears like Rapunzel and constantly smells like he’s rotting. I don’t want to say he’s genetically incompetent cause that’s probably not his fault but there had to be some serious mutation going on to make him.

He's not nearly as badass as this.

The actual reason why he is a fail is because he managed to be so bad at washing himself that he got a staph infection. Twice. Staphylococcus is a group of bacteria that can cause a multitude of infections and most of them aren’t really your fault. But the kind he got, the skin abscess one, you get from not washing correctly. And I’m not talking about skipping a bath every so often kind of incorrectly, its more like never putting soap anywhere near you for about a month. And then sweating a lot. He happened to be on the football team and developed the nastiest, pussy abscess I have ever seen all because he wouldn’t take a goddamn shower. That’s why he’s incompetent.

2. Pre-teens

All of you suck. I’m sorry.

1. Escalator Lady

I was traveling by train one day and I had to change trains along with about 30 other people. We were waiting to go up an escalator when this old lady, supported by a couple family members (I hope she knew them) went up. She fell backwards. And everyone is just kind of standing there as she is being dragged up the escalator on her back most notably this heavy set woman standing next to the emergency stop button.

I feel that this is pretty clear.

And this is why number 1 gets to have the most incompetent person along with the most competent person. An army dude rushes up, past all the standing people and slams the stupid button. He had pushed the heavy set woman out of the way to do it and she was screaming at him. Shut the fuck up, incompetent lady. Then she proceeded to run up the escalator and get in the way of the old woman’s relatives. She was like spotting the people except she was just pushing them whatever way she felt like it.

So I salute you, army dude. I’m sorry the stupid bitch yelled at you but you’re awesome.

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