The 6 Kitchen Utensils You Don’t Need

Posted in Jackal's Lists with tags , , on August 19, 2011 by Jackal

I come from a family of cooks. Everyone in my family has some sort of specialty that they are good at whether its pie making or grilling. So naturally they all ridiculous amounts of kitchen appliances and feel the need to give me them as gifts. This means that I have accumulated crazy amounts of useless objects that almost certainly have a purpose but are sitting at the bottom of the drawer. This clearly means that I don’t need them.

I assure you that this does, in fact, exist.

6. A Tiny Handleless Broom

Even though this is an internet image, I assure you that I own every one of these objects.

Well the tag says Amish Cake Tester but that’s not really helping me figure out what it does. I mean, its pretty self explanatory but then you see the actual utensil and its like a broom. Do I just stab the cake with the broom to see if its done? Does it test the poison content of the batter?

Seems pretty obvious to me...

After some googling, I discovered that you pull off one of the 5″ corn husk straws to stick in your cake. Its literally a box of toothpicks in broom form… “But there are occasions when you might want something longer than a toothpick to test the doneness of a bundt cake or other deep baked good.” (Thank you, This comes up… apparently. I have baked on occasion and rather than snapping a straw off my broom, I use a fork. Its plenty long and its reusable and easy to wash so yay for the environment.

5. Eye Gouger

This has to have a sinister use.

I don’t know if this counts since it doesn’t have a strictly kitchen use though it probably better to use it over some sort of tile. Easier to clean up afterwards. But it was found in the kitchen so its a kitchen utensil.

There is writing on it, “Best oysters in the world” so it could possibly have a less mafia-influenced purpose.

What? I'm on the town softball team.

But despite the fact that I live near enough to the ocean that oysters and their shelly friends are not only an option but a likelihood I don’t think I’ve ever used this. I’m not even really sure how to.. Are you prying the shells apart so you can cook them out of their shells? I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to steam them till the shells open but I don’t think I’ve ever cooked oysters. This is the kind of useless gift that makes me want to demand only money from now on.

4. Mouth Cork

Perfect for the man who has an annoying wife.

Again, no idea what this is. But mouth cork sounds good to be though its probably not comfortable. There are plenty of annoying people I wouldn’t mind muzzling with this handy kitchen utensil. Why is this even on the list?? Its soooo useful. Part of the problem is that I don’t even know what it is for so there’s no way I can use it. This could have been solved by reading the package or the directions but I’m certain that I tore the package off with glee and never saw it again. Its possible I didn’t even read it then.

Manuals are for pussies!

Now that I look at it (my roommates told me) its probably a reusable wine cork. You put the stopper in the top and pull the sides down to secure the cork in the opening of the bottle. But that’s ridiculous! Who doesn’t finish a bottle of wine?!

3. Doll Hair Brush

The Amish are responsible for this!

Another brushing-type thing… I’m not really sure why they like to make things that have bristles and I don’t even know what its actually made out of.


I’m still not sure what it actually does and no one else seems to know either and the constant stream of randoms as I painstakingly move in proves to be no help. Possibly you brush on a sauce of some kind? Or pet the turkey before you cook it? I doubt it has ever been used and it will probably remain that way until I donate it to a little girl.

2. Fishing Net

Fishing never looked so easy.

This was actually found in a kitchen drawer. Well the less used drawer but that’s where all this stuff has been found. Who knows whats done there… But anyway, this random utensil appears to be a fishing net and a fairly ineffective once since it is very small and has no way of pulling it back in. And fishing is easy! There is literally a show called Hillbilly Handfishin’.

That is where I want to be.

This is bad. Two in a row and I have no idea what this is for. Straining of some sort. It really could be used for anything… How bout you put your mushy fruit in it and then let all the juice drip out so when you make pie its not that liquidy? Clearly, I’m a master baker.

1. Rave Glowstick

This is a sketchy sketchy piece of equipment.

Its got a nice metal end to hold onto while you’re waving the clear part (that I assume glows when prompted) at your rave. This is probably a misplaced item since having a rave in the kitchen seems dangerous and a bit cramped.  But no matter, maybe the kitchen is on the way to the rave so its an easy stop! Another problem is that there aren’t any buttons on it at all and vigorous shaking failed to make an impression on the impenetrable glowstick.

I am not impressed.

There are little holes on the clear side so maybe you grate something. Something that you don’t want the gratey bits of because there doesn’t seem to be a way to get them back out. Or the holes allow drainage and you stab fruit with it?

I got nothing. So I am forced to assume that it is a misplaced, odd-looking glowstick and that it needs to be relocated to the party!


Everything sorted

Posted in Uncategorized on August 18, 2011 by Jackal

I’m trying to get what is posted on what day to be consistent to I’m going to be clear.
Sunday- Weekly Update
Monday- Surviving the Week (This is going to be a bit more random and could come on other days)
Tuesday- Video Game of the Week
Wednesday- Day off
Thursday- Jackal’s Lists
Friday- It looked interesting at the time (may have title change)
Saturday- Day off

Hope it was clear. Thanks!

Half Life 2

Posted in Video Game of the Week with tags , , , on August 15, 2011 by Jackal

Let's do this!

So I finally got around to rating this game and even though I’ve played and beaten it before, I was still blown away by how good it was.

Yes, unicorn good.

Since I don’t like spoilers I’ll try and keep them out. This is the 2nd installment of the Half Life series and even though I enjoyed the first one, this was better. What stands out is the storytelling. There are no cutscenes and things are never explained simply.You are living as Gordon Freeman and you are experiencing the story through him. The story itself is complex and interesting and it draws the player in. This is the kind of game that wants people to like it because of its characterization and its events rather than just flash. The beginning is a bit hazy at this point but I remember arriving at what looked to be an immigration center surrounded by miserable people and guards. Things weren’t explained so I messed with the controller till I figured out what the buttons did, throwing random objects and bothering anyone who would talk to me. There was a brief tutorial when you meet the main characters and get your sweet suit but its pretty “figure it out as you play”.

I would wear this all the time if it were socially acceptable.

So Gameplay: its a first person shooter and its not quite as conventional as the Modern Warfare or Halo games and saying that, its not as good. Half Life 2 doesn’t really strive to be a first person shooter but rather a portrayal of a dude that happens to carry around a gun and uses it occasionally. It’s also nice to be able to carry around a shit load of weapons whether or not that is realistic. Ammo is nicely scarce so the game isn’t too easy and its sweet to be rewarded with machine gun rounds after you’ve mowed down the special forces team that has been chasing you for like an hour. The suit (mentioned above) is a Half Life staple and it acts like an energy shield but I feel like it was usually at 0% for me because there were less recharge stations. Maybe I just sucked at it. You get injured quite a bit but there are usually plenty of health packs around so its not too difficult or particularly frustrating.

Healthcare would be so much cheaper if this existed.

There are some driving parts and I won’t ruin them but they’re pretty fun and expansive. They’re each whole levels and were longer than you’d expect them to be. Not gonna lie, I got a bit tired of the level by the end and was pretty ready to get on my two feet again. They did help break up any monotony that has managed to creep up on you but between the crawling in dimly lit sewers and hopping on train cars, I was feeling pretty fulfilled at that point. The driving was a little difficult to get used to for me though I did eventually manage it and enjoyed it. But sliding out of control gets just as old as missing a dearly needed health pack.

I’m not going to go into plot and I’ve already talked about storytelling and characterization (sort of). And honestly, I don’t have that much more to say.

Grade: A

I’m going to go back to school so I’m not going to be able to play games that often so I might rate some games I’ve already played or just talk about ones that I’m excited for.

Next Game= Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood

I know it came out a while ago... shut up, I'm poor.

The 10 Most Incompetent People I’ve Ever Met (probably)

Posted in Jackal's Lists with tags , , on August 9, 2011 by Jackal

Sorry I took sort of a hiatus cause I wasn’t liking where it was going and I suddenly got super busy but I decided that I like to blog and I’m going to do it regardless of how many hits I get.

We’ve all done something stupid or messed something up and you tend to remember that mistake over the millions of times you’ve done it correctly. Stupidly easy things like putting on sunglasses can end in a dramatic eye injury and walking up stairs turns into a upward face plant when half the planet needs to use the same flight of stairs. However, these people are so crazy bad at life that I cannot help but document their failure.

10. The Grocery Bagger

My local supermarket usually hires high school students and local crazies to bag the groceries and work the cash register so the quality of bagging is sadly pretty lacking.

This won't end badly...

But its easy, how could you screw that up! And to be honest, I have had good luck with the baggers even the one-armed woman with the crazy eye. Not really… well she does only have one arm though it doesn’t seem to hinder her much. When I was living with my parents, as soon as I could drive I was doing the grocery shopping. This was not a good idea because I would come home with like 5 boxes of Batman fruit snacks or like half a wheel of cheese. I had the power… Now I live in an apartment and I’m poor so I can’t shop that enthusiastically. But I have learned that there are items that shouldn’t be bagged with essentially anything else. Like avocados. They bruise if you look at them hard enough and I generally hover over the bagger to make sure they’re taken care of. Eggs are another obvious one but I also hate when people bag milk because its too heavy and you can’t put anything else in there so its just a waste of a bag.

Anyway, its harder than it looks. So I went one day to the local supermarket and I was paying for the weeks food when I realize that not only has the bagger dropped the egg carton but he is also attempting to stuff the gallon of milk in with my Wheat Thins. No! Bad Bagger! He kept moving things between bags and just generally making a mess of things until the cashier just told him to go on break and took over. I think he tripped when he slunk away, tail between his legs.

I cannot be moved!

9. The Taxi Cab Driver

I went to New York City like a month ago and as always the cabs are glorious in their filth and the drivers are as bad at driving as they are foreign.

And he's pretty foreign. Check out the rockin' beard!

And I’ve been to New York City many times and while I usually take the subway, sometimes you have to take a cab and I’ve met some interesting characters. This cab driver was easily the worst. He was definitely not a newbie cause he spoke with the casual air of someone who had terrified thousands of passengers and narrowly avoided being thrown in jail for vehicular homicide. He was surprisingly not particularly foreign (apparently 95% of cab drivers in NYC are recent immigrants) but was a middle-aged Italian guy with a strong New York accent. He was not winning points for creativity.  But anyway, I should have been warned by how he picked us up, swerving 2 lanes over and splashing a nearby businessman with a puddle. But we got in the cab and off we went. Traffic wasn’t too bad but this man drove like the world was on fire. And I know NYC cab drivers are always like that but this guy was trying to kill people. He took out a stopped car’s bumper and almost took out, no joke, a line of children going to the Met.

Where we're going, we don't need roads...

After much swearing, the man didn’t even get us to the right address. We had to keep reminding him of where we were going (the airport) and he never seemed to know what was going on or why we were hyperventilating. He was also a fan of making these ridiculous turns for apparent “short cuts”.

Somehow I don't think this is going to quicker.

That was by far the most incompetent attribute of this man and it is why he makes this list.

8. The Cross Walk Attendant

When I used to walk to school there would be an old lady in a neon, reflective vest who would help me across the street.

This is not what I mean.

Apparently I am not to be trusted near streets… But they were always old and I can’t imagine they were paid much if at all but they knew what was up. Its another easy task. Don’t let children get hit by cars. And all the ones when I was a kid were perfectly competent and rarely creepy so I was surprised when I was walking down to a friend’s house (Ruby is fine but gas is far too expensive and I don’t like my friends that much) around the same time kids were getting out of school (This was in May so they were still in school). The crossing walk lady took one look at me and deduced (incorrectly) that I needed assistance crossing in the cross walk and proceeded to walk into the middle of the intersection to stop all traffic. I just wanted to cross one road, there was no diagonal traveling going on. I tried to wave her back because the people in the cars were beginning to spout steam but she shouted that I was to get clear of the road. How clear are we talking, lady? I’m on the sidewalk.

Take that, cross walk lady!

She finally got out of the road when I was truly clear of any danger. I started to walk away but this lady put her hand on my arm and tells me that I should buy myself a neon vest also so the cars can see me. Keep in mind that its like 2:30 pm and the sun is shining. I leave but she sees a guy running by with this big mutt. She literally stopped him in the middle of his run to coo at this dog who looks absolutely disgusted with her.

This is not the face of amusement.

I suppose she was just over exuberant about it and just wanted kids to be safe but I can’t help but like the chain smoking cross walk lady better.

7. My friend’s boss- State Representative

My friend is some sort of political/government major which is apparently not as big of a joke as a Political Science major so she was lucky when she got a job as an assistant to a State Representative. Her boss, some random Republican, is a nice guy (I’ve met him) and seems decently intelligent. He is living proof that intelligent people can be incompetent. After some training and jumping through hoops she finally started doing her actual job.

I don't know if its cause I'm just lazy but I would not be willing to do this for any job.

Which is his job. She reads all the bills and goes through all the forms and tells him how to vote. He literally makes no decisions on his own and reads none of the bills. When he does attempt to make decisions on his own, she has to edit his decisions and tell him whether or not his party will be pleased with him. Now she’s a Democrat and in her place I would do a lot more fucking around with him but apparently she is actually competent (fucking overachiever).

6. My Postman

At my old house, I used to have this chick post…er person and she was awesome. We sometimes dog sit for people so the dogs always freaked out at her but she would shove the mail through the slot and then a couple treats and go on her way. And we lived in a duplex so the other part’s door was right next to ours with only slightly different numbers. You think that this would cause problems for her? Nope. We both always got our correct mail, every single time.

Now just get rid of the beard and get him in some sexy postwoman gear and you've got my old postchick.

But we’re not here to listen to my crush on my old postwoman. This is about her replacement. After she ascended into heaven, her replacement would come and give us our mail. Badly. I have no idea if its a difficult job but he was particularly bad at it. We would get our neighbors mail, we would get the guy down the street’s mail and our packages were always fucked up.  My mom got a bowl once and it came completely broken and I’m pretty sure I saw him drop it right in front of me. Didn’t apologize, didn’t even make eye contact.

What am I? A basilisk?

I started just taking all the mail from him before he got to the door and distributing it around. But he still managed to screw up his job. Dropped the mail in a puddle, enraged the dogs, stepped on the flowers, took out my mom’s rose bush, the list goes on and on. Worst postman ever…

5. Dunkin Donuts Cashier

I worked for my aunt briefly and part of my job was to get coffee for everyone in the office. Unfortunately, the awesome local coffee shop had just closed and I was forced to go to Dunkin Donuts. I’m not a snob, I don’t care about the coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Its cheap, yay! But the mob of people there is always horrendous.

Not my first choice in coffee retrieval.

But I went there and ordered like 6 coffees with various amounts of sugar and cream, I had a list. I ordered all the coffees and even handed the guy the piece of paper so it would be easier. Nope, he didn’t want it to be easy. He lost the piece of paper immediately and proceeded to give me 4 different kinds of the wrong iced coffee and plain black coffee for the rest when I didn’t want any black coffee. I finally just gave up trying to correct him and just took the stupid coffee except he lost some of the cups that he had make and had to go look for them. Fuck that guy.

4. Sarah Palin

Alright I’ve never met Sarah Palin but she just looks like she’s bad at whatever it is that she does. She quit her last job and in the short time she actually worked managed to terrorize various people and abuse her power. She seems like a swell person. And I’m not picking on her for any particular reason only that I’ve been seeing Michele Bachmann in the news a lot and since they’re both the same person, I wondered where Palin went.

Also, she kind of freaks me out.

And I’m sorry but Sarah Palin has been painfully bad at her job. Whether its being a parent (hello naming your kid Trig) or being the governor of Alaska, Palin has been lacking in every way. I am biased and I’m a Democrat but I didn’t mind McCain. He seemed like an alright guy and he was pretty moderate but then Sarah Palin came into the picture and because of McCain’s state of decomposition I was a bit concerned…especially with her intelligence. I believe Matt Damon best puts it into words, “I need to know if she really thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago… Because she’s gonna have the nuclear codes.”

I feel the need to give her a message: Ok, Sarah, may I call you Sarah?


Please, please, please run for president. Cause a fucking monkey could beat you in an election.

3. Kid in my High School

I can’t name him cause that would be mean but imagine the ugliest dude you’ve ever seen. An awkward teenager who’s growing hair out of his ears like Rapunzel and constantly smells like he’s rotting. I don’t want to say he’s genetically incompetent cause that’s probably not his fault but there had to be some serious mutation going on to make him.

He's not nearly as badass as this.

The actual reason why he is a fail is because he managed to be so bad at washing himself that he got a staph infection. Twice. Staphylococcus is a group of bacteria that can cause a multitude of infections and most of them aren’t really your fault. But the kind he got, the skin abscess one, you get from not washing correctly. And I’m not talking about skipping a bath every so often kind of incorrectly, its more like never putting soap anywhere near you for about a month. And then sweating a lot. He happened to be on the football team and developed the nastiest, pussy abscess I have ever seen all because he wouldn’t take a goddamn shower. That’s why he’s incompetent.

2. Pre-teens

All of you suck. I’m sorry.

1. Escalator Lady

I was traveling by train one day and I had to change trains along with about 30 other people. We were waiting to go up an escalator when this old lady, supported by a couple family members (I hope she knew them) went up. She fell backwards. And everyone is just kind of standing there as she is being dragged up the escalator on her back most notably this heavy set woman standing next to the emergency stop button.

I feel that this is pretty clear.

And this is why number 1 gets to have the most incompetent person along with the most competent person. An army dude rushes up, past all the standing people and slams the stupid button. He had pushed the heavy set woman out of the way to do it and she was screaming at him. Shut the fuck up, incompetent lady. Then she proceeded to run up the escalator and get in the way of the old woman’s relatives. She was like spotting the people except she was just pushing them whatever way she felt like it.

So I salute you, army dude. I’m sorry the stupid bitch yelled at you but you’re awesome.

The 5 Days of the Year to Hide From

Posted in Jackal's Lists with tags , , , , , , on June 2, 2011 by Jackal

Let’s be honest, no one wants to deal with certain days and I don’t mean Mondays. I’m talking about the holidays and events that you want to forget exist and run from at every turn. The days where you just want to stay in your pjs and burrow into your covers. This is a list of days you should just stay inside for.

Look a calendar!

5. April Fool’s Day

April 1st

This one is complicated because it depends on if you have friends that are any fun and whether or not you’re any fun. However, if you don’t celebrate April Fool’s Day then not only are you lame but you can also just skip to the next one. I personally love April Fool’s Day but my friends are evil and I usually hide in my room for the day. The secret is to set up the prank at odd hours of the day so you can spend the busy parts of the day hiding from possible pranks. For example, you should probably just skip a shower for the day. You won’t smell that bad and for 2 years in a row in college I chose to ignore this advice, took a shower and found not only my towel gone but my door locked. I lived in a dorm so this meant that I was like 60 feet from my room, which I didn’t know was locked, and had nothing to cover myself with to get back to my room. I took the shower curtain… actually permanently because I wanted a souvenir. You would’ve thought that I would learn from the first time but the next year rolled around and I was naked and stranded again.

What the hell, guys?

Another reason comes from a prank I played on one of my roommates, a girl. She left our apartment to go to class and my plan began to unfold. I told her to hole up in her room and wait it out but noooooo she had to go to Orgo. Fuck Orgo, she was going to suffer for being a good student. Now, I have a friend who is kind of big…..  but he’s really comfortable with himself and agreed to participate in my prank. First, I took her bed apart. I took the frame apart and spread the pieces around the apartment, the building, friend’s apartment, the neighborhood, even in a classroom. Her bedding was also spread around. The mattress had a special job, I hid that in my friend’s dorm room and I set up a scavenger hunt to find it. When she got there she was met with my big friend…. completely naked. And if she hadn’t left the building then she would not have wasted 2 hours looking for her bed.

So just pull your pranks and spend the rest of the day hiding from your friends sadism.

4. Columbus Day

Second Monday in October

The school system knows that you don’t want to leave your house for this holiday cause they give you the day off. And this one is a combination of what people generally do for the holiday and for the reason why it is celebrated. First off, this is more for college students who cling to the few days off that they have and tend to go a bit crazy on long weekends. I literally do not remember the majority of the last 3 Columbus Day weekends.

I want to say I'm Bradley Cooper in this but I'm really more of a Zach Galifianakis.

Every year, I promise myself that I’ll just sleep all weekend and try to recover from studying and classes but every time I am seduced by the sweet songs of a long weekend. Now, I’m not really into the whole heavy drugs thing so I pretty much stick to alcohol but if you drink enough of it memory gets to be a problem. This is more for the weekend but just stay inside. Don’t go out and party cause everyone goes home so there aren’t even that many parties and you’re just going to end up doing stupid shit. Sleep in or be a good student and study!

Now onto the holiday’s subject. Christopher Columbus was not really the nicest guy ever and he didn’t really discover America… The Vikings got there in like the 10th century, not to mention the Native Americas that had been living there for centuries. Columbus sauntered over in 1492 and landed in the Caribbean, not even the mainland.

Yeah, this guy looks legit...

This is also important: Columbus killed pretty much all of the natives he found. He coined the term “cholera blanket” and the natives suffered for it. As a kid, my teachers told me that Columbus discovered America, which he didn’t, and made friends with the natives, bridging the gap between Europeans and Native Americans. And I was just excited to get a day off of school but they LIED! Motherfuckers, made me think he was a stand-up guy. We celebrate a guy who landed on an island that sort-of counts as America and was already inhabited, killed all the natives and stole their shit. Why does he get a day? Ted Bundy was a dick and killed a ton of people, why doesn’t he get a day? The system for choosing who gets a holiday must be bizarre…

Fun fact: "...he performed sexual acts with the corpses, until they reached an advanced state of decomposition."

3. Black Friday

Fourth Friday in November

Alright, its the day after Thanksgiving and its a shopping bananza… Boxing day goes with this too. I’m not a huge shopping fan but I understand the appeal of sales blah blah blah. But people get like seriously injured! Whatever you are buying and whatever you are saving cannot be worth this level of bodily harm or the violence needed to acquire it. Every time you throw a competitor to the ground, think about the family they leave behind!

"Bitch, move!"

Hide in your room. That is my advice and that is the basis of this blog post. Don’t kill a person trying to get that new flatscreen TV, instead spend the time you would’ve spent in jail for murder and save up the extra money to make up the difference. Sleep through it or eat leftover mash potatoes (P.S. I lovvvvveeeeee mashed potatoes) This one’s a short one cause it makes sense: don’t kill people for material goods. Its not worth it.

2. Earth Day

April 22nd

Nothing makes you feel guilty like an entire day dedicated to pointing out your wasteful habits. And lets be honest, especially if you’re an American, you consume a lot, drive a lot and just generally fuck up the environment. And get off your high horse, rest of the world, you guys consume a lot of stuff too and most of the world uses machines that aren’t environmentally friendly (I’m looking at you, China).

Hong Kong is in there somewhere...

I live in an area that has just enough money to be pretentious and outspoken about the environment but just ignorant enough to be wrong most of the time. Earth Day is the mother of all days to lecture people about why they, personally, are killing the entire planet. It is tiring… and I’m sorry that I sometimes drive the 5 miles to work by myself but no one I knows is heading in the same area at 3 am and buses don’t run that late. Also, after an entire night of working riding a bike home is like the worst thing I can think of happening. I work weird hours, I’m driving to work! Get over it and lecture the dude with a Hummer limo.

This, my friend, is class.

I hide in my room for the day cause I don’t want to be accosted by another well-meaning citizen with a clipboard, who needs my signature to save the whales or pandas or something. I have signed some of these things but the crazies come out on Earth Day. All of the crazies and not just the environmental ones. College campuses attract the freakiest of people and this includes, my personal favorite, religious extremists. And since it is a free country, they are allowed to say whatever they want, wherever they want to. Earth Day attracts them too since apparently God says you can kill the fuck out of the environment as much as you want. They also give away little New Testaments, which some people (who shall not be mentioned) use for rolling papers. I don’t even like religion and I think that’s disrespectful. Anyway, back to the Earthy people. They like tackle you and try to guilt you into giving money or signing petitions and crap like that. I recycle, I walked to school for like 10 years of my life. Leave me alone!

 1. Valentine’s Day

February 14th

This one is obvious. Its slightly better for people in couples but the pressure is there to buy the perfect gift or to arrange the most romantic date. Your girlfriend will kill you if you don’t take her out to an expensive restaurant or buy her the shiniest jewelery! And if you have a nontraditional chick, being creative and unique can be even harder. That’s mostly for the dudes but females have their issues too. A lot of times there is tremendous pressure to put out on Valentine’s Day and, sometimes, that’s really a problem.

Side note: nothing is more awkward than a new girlfriend or boyfriend right before Valentine’s Day.

Except for this couple who moved kind of fast.

But love is really the focus of this holiday and if you don’t have that special someone Valentine’s Day sucks. Single men can drink beer, play video games and hit up girls who feel lonely. Single women can go with the “single, independent women” Day or cry for the whole night. Either way, its kind of depressing and sleazy, in the case of the men, and the day pretty much just reminds everyone that they’re alone. Just hide from it, actually just hide from the whole month. Its a fact that February is the worst month of the year. Its cold, miserably cold, and school drags on impossibly. Also, Valentine’s Day. So just sleep through the whole month and avoid the violently pink stores and shopping malls. These days, they start decorating for the next holiday as soon as the one before is done so you might have to skip January too cause there’s nothing interesting between New Years and Valentine’s Day.

You know what, just hibernate through the winter but wake up for Christmas and Thanksgiving and just avoid the holidays. April is kind of a mine field too so go on vacation for that month. I heard Italy is nice that time of year.


Posted in Surviving the Week on June 1, 2011 by Jackal

This post will be pretty brief. Just some things that are awesome and I found interesting. Every week, on Wednesday I will post links and descriptions to youtube videos, funny pictures, interesting sites, etc that will help you survive till Friday.

For the immature, history buffs in the room we have Rap Battles of History by  nicepeter on youtube. I don’t know when this came out or if everyone has already seen it already but it is fucking hilarious! Some aren’t so funny but I recommend Lincoln vs. Norris, Bieber vs. Beethoven, Palin vs. Gaga and Einstein vs. Hawking. They’re clever and funny. Have fun!

Lets just guess who wins...

Also on youtube is Fails of the Weak by Achievement Hunter, which I believe in affiliated with Rooster Teeth. This is more for gamers, specifically Halo fans. It takes clips submitted by players in campaign or multiplayer that exhibit some sort of failure. This includes getting crushed by flying debris, falling off a cliff, attempting something simple and screwing it up. The commentary can occasionally be a little grating but its from the same guys who do Red vs. Blue so the voices sound familiar. They’re funny most of the time but there are moments… So check that out.

Its very serious business.

And something I always have to recommend is It insanely funny though you do have to do some sifting and has lists of random things, a photoplasty and caption contest, comics and Linkstorm, which has some amazing links. I’m a person who loves these weird lists of things and one of my favorite writers is John Cheese. He can be depressing but he cynically hilarious and real-life experience with some seriously tough things. So check him out!

This is from 7 Images Too Badass to be Real (That Totally Are)

That’s all I got today, folks. Good luck and have fun.

Video Game of the Week

Posted in Video Game of the Week with tags , , , , on May 31, 2011 by Jackal

I like video games. I enjoy playing them by myself and with friends and (pretending this is Monday) every week I will be playing a new one. I have decided to announce which one I will be playing and then the next Monday, report on it.

Since this is the first one, I decided to get back to my roots and play Half-Life 2 from the Orange Box. The Orange Box is a compilation of 5 games: Half Life 2, HL2: episode 1+2, Team Fortress 2 and Portal (best game ever). And I’ve played the original Half Life 2 but I recently stole the Orange Box from a friend so I’ll probably be playing those games from it in the weeks to come.

He's pretty much the biggest badass ever...

But the game I just finished is Dragon Age 2, a fantasy epic with fewer dragons than the title implies. I’ve played Dragon Age: Origins, which I sort of liked better. The character development is better in 2 and there are more character quests and your relationship with them is more complicated. But you are also set in like one city, Kirkwall, and the surrounding area. It just gets really repetitive with the same dungeons over and over. Sometimes they use the exact same area and just change the name of it, which is very irritating.

Sorry Dragon Age 2, these are the same dungeon...

This complaint is double-edged cause I appreciate a bit of complexity in my storyline but some of the choices you get are a bit ridiculous with both choices causing mass chaos and a lot of killing. As a side note, I made myself a diplomatic character but I still seemed to solve almost all my problems by killing the person I disagreed with… Anyway, back to the storyline. Sometimes you find yourself in a bad situation that has a diplomatic solution but the game doesn’t offer it for you and even though I am loathe to looking up solutions that’s what I ended up doing. They informed me that in a lot of these situations there is no way to avoid mass murder…  You have to kill the poor mage driven to blood magic by the Templars. I should probably state that I sided with the mages and Fenris deserted me cause he’s a little bitch and I didn’t get his rivalry high enough (there is rivalry and friendship: doesn’t really matter which one you max just as long as you do) Fenris is an awesome character but it annoyed me that he didn’t really evolve as a person throughout the game. He goes through all these life-changing events and I took him with me during all my adventures and he still comes out hating mages like nobody’s business. The other characters change… maybe its cause I couldn’t bring myself to kill random mages but I’m still kind of a dick so he didn’t always disagree with me.

He's kind of fucking awesome

It was a good game but very long especially if you like completing quests cause there’s a fuck ton and I ended up just ignoring some by the end of the game. Also, word of advice, don’t ignore  Isabela. I pretty much never used her cause Varric was funnier and I was a dual weapon rouge and 3 rouges would’ve been ridiculous. Without spoiling the game, make friends with Isabela before the end of Act 2. Cause I didn’t do myself any favors by never talking or interacting with her.

I'm pretty sure you can romance her too...

The game also uses an interesting story telling device with Varric retelling the tale to this crazy woman trying to figure out how Kirkwall got so fucked up. It intersperses game-play with beautiful illustrations and the occasional lie from Varric that adds some humor.

Final grade: B+

Its a good game with intricate story telling and character development but suffers from repetitive dungeons and a lack of diplomacy.